April 30, 2004

 

Ask any martini drinker, he'll tell you: no matter where you get them, green olives always have a precise round hole in one end and a tiny, perfect five-pointed star in the other. Many's the hour I have gazed upon this unique feature of olive physiology in wonder.

Obviously, it's an artifact of the de-pitter thingummy. But what sort of tool punches a star in one end and a circle in 'tother? I figure it's got two components: the star thing, which looks like a branding iron and goes in first, pressing the olive (or, more precisely, the olive pit) against the second thing, a round thing like a cookie cutter. The round thing is just a bit larger than the pit, so the star thing blows the pit right through the middle.

Whaddya know? It's called a "stoner," dude. Thank you google. Whatever did I do without you?

If you put the round end of the olive in your mouth and put your finger over the star-shaped hole and get a good suction going, when you let go you can whip that pimiento halfway down your windpipe. You can't blow them out the other end, though. Of the olive, I mean.

Okay, smarty pants...what do you think about when you're drinking martinis?